Q: Sex with my boss was good but I regret it
I’m a secretary and made an irrational decision nine months ago to sleep with my boss. He was years older but extremely sophisticated and sex with him was good. So was sex with my husband. My lover is happily married, so what we had was a fling. But why was I attracted to another man when I love my husband? My boss has since been promoted and he now heads a branch office. The affair is more or less dead. But why did I have it?
Does it mean my marriage is doomed? Please help.
Abah, by e-mail.
To be faithful “till death do us part” might be a wonderful idea, but there is plenty struggle – and slip-along the way. While an affair isn’t pleasant, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you have a dreadful marriage. Sometimes, we’re tempted simply because we want something new. It doesn’t necessarily mean we’re not happy with what we have nor is an affair anyone’s fault.
It’s impossible to make a partnership affair proof. No matter how loving, sexy or beautiful you are, everyone is prone to temptation at some stage.
This doesn’t mean your partner is no longer in love with you. Most of the men who admit to having affairs claim to be happier in their marriages than other men who say they had never had one. Women are more likely to cheat on their men if they’re not happy at home, but that still doesn’t mean they don’t love their partners. Your fling seems to be a momentary and stupid lapse of judgment and thank goodness your boss is no longer around to make your fling marriage – threatening. Some marriages even end up stronger after an affair. You love your husband and this guilty conscience that’s tearing into you means you won’t make the same mistake again.
Editor’s Note: Send your questions, observations and concerns on sex, love and relationships to Chiquemagazine’s Dear Ngozi Column. Email: firstname.lastname@example.org